


Age is just a number

by gnarf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dementia, Established Relationship, Fluff, HP Fluff Fest 2020, Humor, Just Add Kittens, M/M, Muggle London, Old Age, Plot Twists, Shoplifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gnarf/pseuds/gnarf
Summary: Married for decades, their life is perfect.Until Harry gets a call and hears the following words:"Mr Potter, we caught your husband stealing ten large packs of King Sized condoms."
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 49
Kudos: 266
Collections: HP Fluff Fest 2020





	Age is just a number

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta reader always Paris 😍💜
> 
> And thank you to the fest mods who are working hard and fill our lives with more fluff!

They had been married for sixty years. 

Sixty wonderful years, with more ups and downs, love and hurt, highs and lows than Harry could count. And he expected them to have at least another sixty, if not more, left. 

Draco was his one, his everything, and every time he looked at him he fell in love all over again. 

Even now, while standing in front of mall security, looking at his rather unrepentant looking husband. Still, he couldn’t deny the worry mixed into the overwhelming love. 

"He did what, exactly?" Harry asked, shock clear in his voice. 

"Mr Potter, we caught your husband stealing ten large packs of King Sized condoms. We have to ask you to take him home and see if he's alright. Given his old age, he won't get in trouble. We just want to make sure someone is looking after him," the security guard said, barely holding himself together. 

"Yeah, I'll take care of him. Thanks for giving me a call."

Sighing, Harry grabbed Draco's arm and guided him out of the mall. Unbelievable. "You're ridiculous. We're rich, Draco. And really? King Sized?" 

Draco only snickered. 

Rolling his eyes, Harry pushed him inside the car and drove them home. 

Lord knows what he was thinking, and after all these years Harry knew he wouldn't be getting an answer. 

* * *

Harry had nearly forgotten all about last week's incident at the mall when their doorbell rang on a Sunday afternoon. 

Draco was nowhere to be seen, so he grumbled and got up to answer the door. 

To his surprise it was one of their Muggle neighbours, looking rather distraught. 

"Hey, how can I help you?" 

"I'm sorry to disturb your Sunday, Mr Potter. This is rather unpleasant, to be honest. But I fear your husband has stolen our cat and is now refusing to give her back. Says we're not giving her enough attention."

"He what?" Harry asked dumbstruck. "Where is he?" 

"In your shed behind the house. I really don't want to trouble you, I remember this kind of behaviour from my father when he started to get—anyways, I'd really appreciate your help to get our cat back. She's very dear to us."

"Yeah. Sorry about that, of course I'll help you. He's been a bit off lately."

"That's okay. We all have bad days. Thanks for your help!" 

Stomping to their backyard, neighbour in tow, Harry pounded at the door to Draco's shed. He usually used it for repair jobs, or preparing potions ingredients, not for hostage situations. 

"I already said I'm not giving her back! Go away!" Draco's Muffled voice came from the inside. 

"Draco, for fucks sake! It's me! And if you don't give them their cat back I'll take this shed down board by board! You hear me?" 

Silence. Followed by a small click, before the door opened and a sour looking Draco stepped out, holding four sleeping kittens in his arms. "Which one is yours?" 

Harry felt the need to bang his head against something hard. Now he had to spend his Sunday ringing on doors and checking where those kittens lived. 

What the fuck was wrong with Draco?

* * *

"We can't find anything wrong with him, Mr Potter. He's healthy, and there's no sign of 'his brain failing him' as you called it. Nothing we can do."

Sighing, Harry waited until Draco joined him outside the examination room of St. Mungo’s. 

After the kitten incident, Harry had made Draco an appointment as soon as all kittens had been returned to their owners. Draco hadn't been of any help with any of it. 

"The Healer says there's nothing wrong with you. Let's go home."

"I told you I'm fine, you git," Draco snickered. 

"Then why are you stealing condoms and cats?" Harry asked exhausted. He was too old for this bullshit. 

A shrug was all the answer he got before Draco made his way to the Floo. 

Pinching his nose, Harry followed him. 

* * *

"Mr Potter, sorry to disturb your night. Here's PC Barnes speaking, Holborn Police Station. We have your husband here and wanted to ask if you could come and pick him up?" 

Harry was sure he was having a heart attack and suffering from an aneurysm at once. What did he do this time? 

"Yeah, I'll be right there. Is he okay?" 

"Of course he is, don't worry he's in good hands until you arrive."

Throwing his mobile onto the sofa, Harry rubbed his face and let out a scream. What the hell was happening to Draco? 

He was his usual chippy self, annoying as fuck at times, and had no trouble keeping up with work at his shop in Diagon Alley during the week. But then on weekends he wreaks havoc in Muggle London for some reason, and Harry couldn't make any sense of it. 

Getting dressed, Harry took the time to get a snack and calm his nerves before finally apparating to an alley near the police station. It'd look very suspicious if he turned up within seconds after the call after all. 

Entering the building, Harry found Draco deep in conversation with one of the policemen, a charming smile on his face, and a fucking feather boa wrapped around his neck. 

"Mr Potter, I guess? I'm PC Barnes, glad you could make it," the policeman greeted him. 

"Of course." Turning to Draco, Harry looked at him not knowing how to feel. "What did you do, love? Why are you wearing a boa? I'm honestly very worried about you." 

Draco's face fell as he looked down at his feet. At least this time he looked somewhat apologetic. 

"We got a call from a strip club where your husband was very adamant about starting his own career by climbing onto the stage and dancing for the audience. I can assure you that no clothes were shed, and the bouncer was very careful to not hurt him when getting him down. Not the first time we had a case like this," PC Barnes said with a soft smile. "Your husband is a very charming man, Mr Potter. But I think it'd be best if you take him home now. The feather boa is a gift from the club, he can keep it."

"I'm sorry for the trouble, I'll take him home now. Thanks for your help."

"Of course. Enjoy your weekend."

Harry was close to tears as he sat back down on their sofa. 

Minutes later there was a soft nudge to his side and Harry slid over to make room for Draco who handed him a cup of tea. 

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't think this would distress you this much. I think I should probably explain myself," Draco said sadly. 

Harry looked up to find he had gotten rid of the feather boa and looked truly guilty.

"Explain yourself?" Harry asked, more than a bit confused. "So you know what's wrong with you? Can I help you somehow?" 

"Salazar Potter, you prick! There's nothing wrong with me! I'm perfectly healthy and will probably live another 100 years!" Draco exclaimed loudly. 

"Then what—" 

"You remember when we were watching the news a couple of weeks ago, and there was this report about that eighty-something Muggle lady that went skinny dipping in the mall fountain and got away with it?" 

"Yes?" Harry was confused. 

"Well. I thought that pretty funny, and we're more or less the same age. So I thought—" 

"Oh, fuck no. Draco please tell me you didn't—" 

"Shush! So I thought it's about time to have some fun and do some ridiculous things myself before I'm too old and the Muggles start getting suspicious."

"You did that shit on purpose?!?" 

"Oh absolutely. You can't imagine how much fun it is to play the crazy old man card. We can't do that for another eternity in the wizarding world, but with Muggles? Harry, it's brilliant! I hadn't had that much fun in years! It's ridiculous! I never meant to hurt you though. I'm sorry I worried you so much."

Harry looked at his stupid, wrinkled, ridiculous husband and burst out laughing, relieved that he was just being his stupid self. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, you twat?" 

"Because you would have stopped me," Draco sniffed, a pout forming on his lips. "You always stop me from doing fun things."

Putting his cup on the table, Harry buried his face in his hands and let out a sigh. "You're so fucking ridiculous."

"And yet, you still love me!" Draco laughed. "You knew what you were signing up for. Want to hear my plan for next week or do you want to be surprised?" 

Looking at Draco who was positively glowing at this point, Harry could only shake his head. "Surprise me."

"Believe me, now that you can stop worrying about me you'll see how much fun this is!" 

Throwing his arms around Harry, Draco pulled him into a kiss before he let out a chuckle. "I might make a plan for you if you ask nicely. We could take turns being ridiculous old sods."

Laughing, Harry sneakily shook his wand out of his sleeve and sent a silent stinging hex to Draco's foot.

Seeing his husband jump through their living room while cursing him, Harry couldn't wait for the next weekend to come. 

**Author's Note:**

> I would love it if you leave a comment or kudos for my fic 💜
> 
> [Visit me on tumblr!](https://gnarf.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *
> 
> 🌻 This work is part of Fluff Fest, a Harry Potter-centered fest dedicated to fluffy themes, meet cutes and wholesome vibes.
> 
> If you’ve enjoyed this work, please show love and support to our precious content creators by leaving kudos and comments! 💌
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